I had the opportunity to meet with a strengths match today and the mentee reminded me about the labels that can often come with our strengths. This mentee, an 8th grader, had the strength of Competing as her #1 strength when she took Strengths Explorer. I asked her to share a time recently when she has used her strengths. She said she had an example but it wasn't a good one. She described gym class earlier that day when she was being a "try-hard", or someone that exerts a lot of effort, especially when it not something that is important.
I told her that our strengths are us at all times- at our best and our worst. They are neutral, and in any given situation it is up to us to apply them productively or destructively, positively or negatively. Labels come when someone either does not recognize this character trait as a talent within us, or when what they witness is our strength in the basement.
I often hear from mentees about the labels that have been placed upon them as a result of their strengths, but this was the first encounter I had with a mentee who self-ascribed this label. She said, "I was being a try-hard." It was an honest moment of self-discovery of her recognizing her strengths can fall into the basement, but also placing value upon her strength based on her cultural context. In her middle school context. trying to hard is seen as negative, and her Competing strength, which will do whatever it takes to win, can be easily construed as negative and result in labelling (by the self and by the other).
So what can we do as mentors to combat the negative value our mentee might give their strengths based on what is deemed as desirable in their context? We show up and follow Coach Osborne's traits of a mentor: agape and affirmation. We make a choice to continually love our mentee by showing up week after week, without judgement and without hesitation. We affirm that their strengths are their natural giftings; what is good and right about them. In this situation, the mentor and I helped the mentee to own her strength in a positive context, seeing how her Competing benefits her now and how it will benefit her in the future.
Strengths ownership is not an easy process, especially when you have had or continue to have negative labels and values placed on your talent themes are seen as less desirable. As strengths advocates, mentors, and role models, it is our job to help our mentees come to overcome these labels in their lives so that they can truly love and appreciate their authentic self. A mentee in the Northern Region on the survey last year responded that what he learned about himself from being in TeamMates was that he "was a pretty cool guy." Let's help our mentees get to this place sooner. Let's show up and commit to affirmation and agape. It is only through affirmation and agape that we can break through the walls that are built up as a result of negative labels in our lives.
I told her that our strengths are us at all times- at our best and our worst. They are neutral, and in any given situation it is up to us to apply them productively or destructively, positively or negatively. Labels come when someone either does not recognize this character trait as a talent within us, or when what they witness is our strength in the basement.
I often hear from mentees about the labels that have been placed upon them as a result of their strengths, but this was the first encounter I had with a mentee who self-ascribed this label. She said, "I was being a try-hard." It was an honest moment of self-discovery of her recognizing her strengths can fall into the basement, but also placing value upon her strength based on her cultural context. In her middle school context. trying to hard is seen as negative, and her Competing strength, which will do whatever it takes to win, can be easily construed as negative and result in labelling (by the self and by the other).
So what can we do as mentors to combat the negative value our mentee might give their strengths based on what is deemed as desirable in their context? We show up and follow Coach Osborne's traits of a mentor: agape and affirmation. We make a choice to continually love our mentee by showing up week after week, without judgement and without hesitation. We affirm that their strengths are their natural giftings; what is good and right about them. In this situation, the mentor and I helped the mentee to own her strength in a positive context, seeing how her Competing benefits her now and how it will benefit her in the future.
Strengths ownership is not an easy process, especially when you have had or continue to have negative labels and values placed on your talent themes are seen as less desirable. As strengths advocates, mentors, and role models, it is our job to help our mentees come to overcome these labels in their lives so that they can truly love and appreciate their authentic self. A mentee in the Northern Region on the survey last year responded that what he learned about himself from being in TeamMates was that he "was a pretty cool guy." Let's help our mentees get to this place sooner. Let's show up and commit to affirmation and agape. It is only through affirmation and agape that we can break through the walls that are built up as a result of negative labels in our lives.
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